"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him." Job 13:15
It honestly blows my mind how fast time can go by... it's almost been two years since I left staff with Cru, and it seems so distant in my mind, yet not that far away, and so much has happened. I feel like I've changed so much as a person and the way I view the world, and God, and people -- so much different than even just two years ago. I'm so thankful that God is interested in refining me all the time, and not just when I feel it. It's actually in those crappy and low moments, when He's probably doing the most refining after all.
I listened to a podcast last weekend, and something caught me off guard. Tim Keller addressed something that I have thought about for a long time, but have never been able to wrap my mind around. Basically it's this...
Do I trust God, for His agenda, or for what He gives me... OR do I trust Him precisely for who He is... because He's -- well, God?
Something has always bothered me about the way people (myself, included) have chosen to declare the glory of God, and praise His name. When things are great... when things are at the "mountain top," it is... "God is so good." "Praise Him!" I do this. I choose to glorify His name when my circumstances are great.... when things in my life are going well... when things seem to be peachy. You know what is so dangerous about this? ...What happens when it is all stripped away, when circumstances aren't so great, and when there is nothing left? What do I do? Am I still that enthusiastic to praise His name? At the end of the day am I still quick to say that He is good?
I really have been hesitant in the past to talk about my struggle with migraines. When I get them, I kind of go into survival mode... especially in the Fall and Springtime they are really bad and the seasons are changing. These last couple of weeks have been especially hard.. not just because they are consistent, but because I have been discouraged in ways that I haven't been since they started several years ago. As I thought more about why this is, honestly it's because I've been striving for years to try and "fix" them myself... through physical therapy, medications, diet, etc. I've been holding out for the possibility that one day I'll wake up and they'll be gone. This is all great, however there is a problem with it. My mentality has been that I will be guaranteed a fix at some point... But, at the end of the day who says that I'm promised this? Who says that my migraines are going to go away and be healed while I'm still on this earth? I made this up. God, are you still good, even if you choose to not take away my migraines when I ask you to specifically?
Yes. He is... His standard is perfection, and I fall short of that and deserve death. So what did He do? He chose to come down from heaven and die in my place... the worst possible death. He died in my in my place! He took my place! And now I walk free and am able to live abundantly in GRACE for the rest of my life. This is absolutely ridiculous! He is so GOOD to me.
So what is my definition of goodness? What is it based off of? My circumstances, or precisely God, and God alone?
My prayer is that God would change my heart, because I can't do it by myself... I need Him to help me come to truly understand that He isn't good based on circumstance, but because of who He is...that I would glorify and praise His name not when things are just good and going well, but the times I'm lonely in this season of my life... when I fail... when I have a migraine.
"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him." Job 13:15
You are GOOD.
You are good regardless of circumstance. You are good.
The King and the Furnace
So is this:
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