Life is like a box of chocolate

I thought of this blog the other day. I remembered how I wanted to write in here more. Haven't really done that much since July. I think I get a little bit self-conscious. Like - I secretly covet other people's ability to write sweet-sounding, eloquently written blogs on a constant basis. Well, I think I have finally come to the conclusion that I am neither an eloquent speaker, writer, nor am I a disciplined person. Phew, now that we have that out of the way... I think I'll just write down my thoughts from now on.

In the last several months of my life there's been so much change. In the post before this, I was in Chicago hanging out with a bunch of college students and other Cru staff on summer project. My summer was awesome and extremely refreshing after a really hard year. I felt very loved by the Lord through other people who were in Chicago with me, and really just loved living each each day as it came. I really didn't want it to end, because I knew life was going to change a lot when I headed home, and it did.

Quick update: I've gone from living in Lansing where I lived for the last six years, went to college for 4 of them, then worked in full-time ministry for two years at MSU; then I moved back to Farmington Hills in August. Had you asked me even a year ago if I'd be living back in the place I grew up I would have told you absolutely not. But alas! Here I am. And my parents are extremely gracious for taking me back in... thanks Mom and Dad! :) I'm working a few different jobs - retail at a music store, teaching some music students from my home one night a week, and driving out to students' homes one night a week. I'm also teaching out of a sweet place called Expressions Music Academy two nights a week in Novi.

Back in April when I decided to not join staff with Cru, it was one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make, for a lot of reasons. A couple of them being - not only would I be leaving my community-base, but I'd be leaving the home I had known for the last several years of my life. There were several factors that went into my final decision; but when I get down to it, I loved what I did - I loved getting to directly see God transform people's hearts, and then  relationally getting to engage with them. I also loved being around people on a regular basis who knew me well, who loved Jesus and who could point me to Him. I knew that it was going to be hard leaving behind what I knew so well.

This weekend is the weekend of Cru's staff conference... it was one of my favorite times out of the entire year, because it was a time for the staff from the entire region to come together in Cincinnati and get a chance to see what was happening across all of the different campuses. We'd worship together, hear from amazing speakers, and we'd also get a chance to connect with people we hadn't seen in a really long time, which was always so sweet. It was held at The Great Wolf Lodge too, which was always a bonus (water slides & lazy river, anyone?!) I loved that this was built into our year and we could get a chance to diverge from the busyness of our schedules and rest. I think this is the first time I have really found myself missing my community from before in a huge way, because I've been trying not to think about it so much.

Something that I've been really thinking about is how discontent I've been since I've moved back here. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that it's just so different. You wouldn't think that moving back to your hometown would be so different, but it is. And I have de ja vu constantly, because it's like, I remember things that I used to do when I was a kid growing up, but now I'm a completely different person. Weird. So now that I'm here, I've struggled to embrace this new change - this new spot that I'm in, and the relationships that have really changed around me.  

So as I sit here this weekend, with my heart longing to be in Cincinnati with my friends, I realize that I actually have a choice. I can wallow in self-pity and think about where I'm at and where I'd rather be, or I can choose to ask God to help me to be content with where I'm at. I can ask Him to help me to take advantage of this stage of life that I'm in and help me to run to truth... because I need it badly. That's right... ask Him to help me go there. I don't naturally run to Truth or look for a way out, but realize that I need help, and He's the only one who can help and fulfill me. I need to remember the Truth of who Jesus says He is, what He did for me (Isaiah 53:4-6 & Eph. 2:1-10) and what He has accomplished (John 16:33 & John 19:30). And this is good news that far outweighs anything else.

Jesus help me to run to you. Help me to wrestle through things with you and remember the essence of the Gospel. You're all I've got, and I'm so thankful that you love me in spite of who I am.

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, "You are my LORD; I have no good apart from you." 11...You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." [Psalm 16]

What does it mean to be still?

"Many times His voice is a still small voice - a gentle whisper, something barely audible, unless you are listening for it" 

Mark Charles 

I've really enjoyed getting the opportunity to share pictures on this blog over the last several weeks. One of the ways I really connect with the Lord is by listening to music and thinking about how the words in the music connect to the word, and I also like taking pictures of things in His creation. But I thought I'd also share a little bit of what I've been learning as well while I was in Chicago, and in the last few months.

For quite some time, I feel like I've been really challenged with Psalm 46. The entire Psalm acknowledges the sovereignty of God and how He's in control. It talks about God being our "refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble." (v. 1-2) The writer of the Psalm addresses not having fear "though the earth gives way" (v. 3). He can move the mountains (v. 2), and the very sound of His voice makes the earth melt (v. 6).

Then at the very end of this Psalm, God says "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" (v. 10) 

In two days I'm going to be leaving Chicago, and my life is going to change a lot as I'll enter into a new stage of life. I admit that I have not trusted God fully with what this means, as my heart has been filled with anxiousness and worry. Especially in the last week, I can sense my heart getting worked up, and my thoughts have not been resting upon Him and the Truth that I know.

A couple months ago I was really challenged with what it really means to be still and just... "be."
Get rid of the noise... get rid of the distractions. Just... be still. So often, I get lost in the world and the distractions of my routine, and stresses of my "stuff." I do this so often that I miss what Jesus is trying to say to me. A lot of the time I miss out on how He's trying to show me He loves me - especially in the little things throughout my day.

Recently, I heard this podcast, and it challenged me greatly.

The best parts are at 43 seconds through 6:26; and 9:44 to the end

Lord, help my heart to be still before you.

Chicago - day #39

Last night was the last night of our Action Group (bible study).
One of my favorite things about my job these last two years has been getting to know people on an individual basis, and getting to know their stories. I have really enjoyed getting the chance to know each of the girls (below), seeing how God has met each of them where they are at, and also diving into the Word with them each week. I'm really going to miss them once I leave Chicago on Friday, but am excited at how the Lord is going to continue working in their lives the rest of the summer.

Chicago - day #38

On top of the Sears Tower (now called "Willis Tower")

Chicago - day #36

Rain, Rain Go Away!

Fridays are days off for staff. Something I really enjoy doing on Fridays are exploring the city (I love discovering new places, and taking pictures!) But today when I woke up, there was a massive, scary thunderstorm outside... for the first part of the day. As you'll see for the first few pictures, my roommates and I had fun having a rainy day inside. Once the weather cleared, we went and got manicures & pedicures, and got to explore the city a bit! :)

Scary clouds!

We love thunderstorms!

 Mani/Pedis!

Chicago - day #35

Today at UIC (University of Chicago - Illinois, the campus I'm on this summer) we had an outreach. In spite of the heat, it was really fun! We really wanted to provide a way to meet and engage with new students on campus. We had a cookout and free food provided, with games, as a way for students to come and hang out with us. It was awesome, and we met several new students throughout the afternoon! 

Myself, and some lovely ladies during the cookout

:)

Chicago - day #34

Buckingham is so cool lit up at night! Tonight during my night with the Lord, myself, as well as one of my roommates and another friend ventured over to Grant Park to get a look at what Buckingham Fountain looks like when it's lit up. I feel like these pictures don't really do it justice. It was pretty neat!

Chicago - day #31

Staff/Student Kickball 2012

Each year, it is a Chicago Summer Project tradition to have a staff/student kickball game. The staff have also been undefeated, as they have won every single year. This year the competition was heightened however, because the students were more challenging than we thought - they also had lots of team spirit!! But, the staff still won the game in the end. It was lots of fun!

Chicago - days #29-30

Here are a few pictures from the last couple of days...

Skyline from the Lincoln Park Zoo

 Lincoln Park Zoo

 Fun at the Bean

My friend, Amanda came to visit :)

This is the most delicious beverage/dessert in the world. It's called an Eiskaffee. The last time I had one was in Berlin last summer. It consists of chilled coffee, ice cream and whipped cream. YUM!!! We ventured over to an Austrian coffee shop called Julius Meinl... so delicious!

Chicago - day #21

Mug & Muffin.//Bluegrass Music.

This morning, I went to the beach with a friend who's on staff here in Chicago this summer. We left early this morning, so we got to the beach when there was hardly anyone there. It was wonderful!

After I got back to my apartment, my roommates and I had the women of the project over for banana bread and coffee. (As you can see in one of the pictures below, we had a fun time making the bread!) Later in the evening, me and one of my roommates, and a couple others decided to go see a bluegrass band play in the city (the band pictured in one of my earlier posts.) It was a fun day!

Beautiful Oak Street Beach

Making the banana bread  :)

 Student (Annie) & I at Mug & Muffin   :)

At the Bluegrass concert

Chicago - day #20

Today I was able to hang out with a good friend who lives just outside of the city. She came into the city to hang out with me for the day, and we had a really great time together. We walked around the city a lot, and  had a wonderful time catching up.  

Buckingham Fountain

Best view of the city - skyline view, by museum campus

We ended the night by watching a free concert in Millenium park

Chicago - day #18

Night with the Lord

Each Wednesday night the entire project has the night to spend with the Lord. This really can look different, from person to person. It's just a sweet opportunity to take and go somewhere in the city of Chicago, and spend with Jesus, however that may be. For me, I love long walks, taking pictures, listening to music, and exploring the city, admiring His creation. I like to reflect on what the Lord is teaching  me, because sometimes I feel like I can easily forget, and it can get lost in the midst of my busy schedule and busy life.

Tonight myself and a couple other ladies ventured out to Wicker Park (a "hipster" part of Chicago) and found a place to sit for a while. It was a very refreshing evening.

Eating some chocolate custarrd with caramel and Oreos at a place called "Just Indulge" in Wicker Park

This is a cool intersection in Wicker Park because there are three different streets that intersect each other

On the way back to the subway, we saw a sweet bluegrass/folk band performing. They were really talented!

Chicago - day #17

This is the table we had set up on campus today. We were able to interact with several different students - students filled out surveys, which indicate if they are interested in discussing Spiritual things, and getting involved in some sort of a life group or bible study. There's another question that asks if they would be  interested in finding out how they can get to know God in a personal way. Many students filled out the surveys and we are hoping to connect them with the permanent Cru team that is here year-round, in the fall.