About a year ago, a good friend of mine encouraged me to make a list of thanksgivings, praises, and ways that I've seen God's hand and kindness in my life. But she challenged me to do this during a time that wasn't the easiest for me, and when it really wasn't easy for me to naturally choose to look beyond myself and see how I was truly being blessed.
Well, I did this for a while, and you know what happened? It completely changed my attitude, because I was able to look outside of myself and my situation and see how the God of the Universe was working in my life, and in spite of me. I also remember learning that although it isn't easy, it always is a conscious choice to CHOOSE to be thankful and to CHOOSE Jesus.
The last 2 months or so have really been hard. Last week was kind of the icing on the cake, and at the end of the day, I really did just want to be pissed and stay mad for a really long time. (Realistically, I know this doesn't help in any way. But you've gotta admit, that in the moment it feels sooo good, and sooo justifiable to stay MAD!!!)
A few weeks ago, I remembered what my friend had told me a year ago, and how she had challenged me to make this list and write something down each day, even when I didn't want to.
I had to start setting my feelings aside, because I know that in the middle of unfortunate events, these (feelings) aren't always the most reliable. Regardless of how I feel, the things I know hold true are these: God loves me, He never fails, and He won't ever change. Oh, and He's trustworthy. He hasn't ever proven me wrong. Even in the midst of my frustration I'm confident, and I can still say these things.
So, I continue to write out my list, in hope that it will (slowly, but surely) change my attitude, and ultimately bring Him glory. Because I sure as heck don't deserve it. I'm just the one with the crappy attitude that needs changing. So, here's some of my list so far...
I am thankful for:
-A God who doesn't change, in the midst of so much change.
-Living with one of my best friends.
-My family.
-My roommate.
-The piano.
-Taking piano lessons again, with a fantastic teacher.
-I'm EXCITED about learning things about the piano again, and actually love practicing. (who am I?)
-New friends
-My cute puppy, Charlie who makes me laugh all of the time.
-Growing up in a musical home.
-The opportunity to play so many instruments and participate in lots of different musical activities throughout my life so far.
-Fall: leaves, beautiful colors, change in the seasons.
-Thanksgiving will be here so soon. And along with that comes good times, traveling to Maryland, seeing part of my family, and three days off of work!
-My cousin, Laura... she is my best friend, and I can tell her anything.
-My job.
-Coffee. And I can get an endless supply of it for free because my awesome roommate gets a pound/week working at Starbucks.
-Music, and how it has meant so many things to me throughout my life.
-The fact that I am finding the joy in music again, for the first time in a really long time.
-Spartan Football (beating Michigan), and doing so well!
-Spartan BASKETBALL is number 1!!
-My loving and supportive parents, their marriage, and the sweet home that they provided when I was growing up.
-Ecclesiastes 3:11 -- He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
-A Savior who took my place, paid for my sins and offers me Salvation in return for absolutely nothing.
-A God who knows me, knows my thoughts ahead of time, and still loves me in spite of it all.
-My college education at Michigan State.
-Everlasting Love from a God who doesn't run out of it.
-The amazing people who have poured into and have helped influence my life, and whom I have had the privilege of spending time with learning from. I will forever be grateful.
-My internship with Cru after college.
-A God who doesn't look at me the same way that I view myself! He looks at me spotless, and views me as brand new, and treasured.
-Expressions Music Academy... the friends I have met, experiences I have had, and the things I have learned.
-My three siblings. I love all of them, and am thankful that I grew up in a big family.
-My dog Mickey. I'm thankful that he will be 16 next week, and that I was fortunate enough to grow up with such a sweet dog. I'm thankful he's still alive.
-Technicians who can fix my car and can get it running again.
-Medicine to help with migraines.
-God being in control of all situations.
My prayer in this season is that I would choose to be thankful in spite of my circumstances. And to step away and tangibly see these things that are happening throughout my day. Because they always are - I just have to choose to watch God's work at hand. I pray that I would choose joy over despair, because in the end Jesus is walking with me at all times. And that alone is something to rejoice about.
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." [Zephaniah 3:17]
